Frustration Reigns!

So I'm a little sad, a little cranky, and a little frustrated.  It adds up to a lot of unhappiness right now.  Things are not going as smoothly as I'd like... and it is stressful.  My orientation is shitty, and not getting better.  I've been taking tests to within an inch of my life... and many of the educators are so flat out disrespectful that it gets taxing to keep smiling.  

My truck isn't running smoothly & it needs to get taken to the shop.  I'm not sure what's up with it, but ever since I went to Baltimore it really hasn't run right.  (It was fine on the ride up to Baltimore!) I really think something might have happened in the valet garage, but I can't prove it.  I think my front right tire is way out of alignment.. it just doesn't drive as straight and smooth as it used to.

I'm more than a little shocked that I haven't heard from either of my parents in over a week. Talked to mom on the 16th to wish her a happy birthday - it was my 1st day of work, and I let her know how miserable it was. Does she not care enough to check up and see how things are going? Would you check up on your child, if they were living hundreds of miles away on their own- and knew that they didn't know a soul in the state and were unhappy on their first day of work?

I only got 18 hours of work last week, even though I'm supposed to have 36 guaranteed.  They were going to short us hours again this week, but I said we need 36.  Got a message from payroll today that they never received our timesheets.  Usually we get our managers to sign them, but we were told that they have their own timecard forms at this particular hospital.  This hospital now says they know nothing of it, and I'm not sure if and when & how I'm going to get paid. (And how much).  I was told "we're not going to charge you for the shortage of hours" Well duh- and I offered to do more the first week, but they said no.  I think for that alone they should pay me for the full 36, but I guess that's not how things work. 

I don't know.  I'm tired.  I'm stressed.  I just found out this afternoon what my schedule will be for this week.  I still don't know what I'm working beyond Friday.  Not being able to make plans is grating.

Now that my mini rant is over, I'm going to play thankful- because I'm not going to sit and wallow in misery.

Today I am thankful for:
- Broken ticket machine in the parking lot (free parking today!)

- Nobody broke into my home even though I accidentally left my patio door wide open
- CHI flat iron
- Urban Decay eye primer (no creases in my shadow after over 12 hours!)
- Caramel Macchiato at lunchtime
- My truck is paid off
- This assignment is fucked, but at least I'm employed
- Paying off the lawnmower
- Fresh berries on my salad
- Having tomorrow off.

Brain Tired

My brain is tired. 
This hospital is hardcore as fuck.  I got grilled on the interview.  Then I had to take 2 tests online before I could start.  Then ever since I started, they've been nonstop testing me.  Written tests, math tests, competencies.  Questioning my drug knowledge.  Making me show that I know how to insert foleys, NGs, IV's, etc.  Today I was even quizzed on a handful of drugs, including cardiac drugs that I would *never* push on any unit that I work.  Thankfully, I knew a bit about them, but still..

The whole thing is overwhelming, and makes me feel like I'm in some kind of unappreciated boot camp.  I think if they were nice to us, then I'd feel better.  I don't need someone to hold my hand, but even just once to say, "Welcome. We're glad to have you here." Instead, their attitude is, "We're the best hospital around... do you deserve to work with us?" (They didn't say it, but it shows.  Believe me.)

I'm hoping it gets better once I hit the floor.

No Dumpy Pillows... Evarrr!

Ok, well my couch- see it's your typical travel-nurse furniture set.  Get a couple travelers together, and at some point, they'll come up with the fact that they all pretty much end up with the same furniture at some point... it's a used, rental.  And for some reason, it always seems to be some kind of brown blah thing with weird blah pillows on it.

So this apartment is no exception.  Dumpy pillows have been used and sat on and smooshed to the point that they look pretty pathetic.  It wasn't cheap, but I found these new pillows in shades of aqua and lime - goose down filled... and replaced the dumpy ones with this.  I think it makes a HUGE difference, and really coincides with colors that make me happy.  Also, well worth a little bit of money spent not to be reminded that I'm living on someone else's farted-on pillows- and I've got some of my homey bright colors around.

Before:

After:


Yeah, it makes a helluva difference- to me, at least.  And I understand that it's kinda Mommie Dearest. (Hence the title)

Thoughts on Texas

Less than 48 hrs (or maybe just a little over) that I've been here, and I've already got a few thoughts on Texas

• People are way more laid back in dress/appearance.  Saw a bunch of people shopping with sweats and baseball hats on.  (yay!) I actually like this.  In South Carolina, women wouldn't be caught dead in public without big earrings, a nice outfit, and a "pocketbook" that matches their outfit.  In California, it was laid back, and I feel at home with this environment.
  
• People drive pretty ok here.  They're not assholes on the road (like Atlanta), but they're not Sunday drivers, either.  Nice and moderate.
• There's a lot of trucks here.  I've heard a big 4-door truck referred to as a "Texas Cadillac" and I kinda might see why now.
• Texans like bad food.  Lots and lots of BBQ joints, Mexican restaurants, and donut shops.  Hey, I'm not complaining.  I just bet the overall cholesterol level here is pretty high.
  
• There's a bit of social retardation here.  That sounds really wrong, and mind you, this is all generalizations from the 48 hrs I've been here.  Maybe I just haven't figured out the social rules here, but it seems people are a little awkward with strangers.  In California (and Baltimore) mostly you just don't look at people, and whatever.  In South Carolina, you look at, and smile/greet people.  Here, they seem to look at you - but it's like everyone I've seen has this weird shyness that they don't say hello, or smile, or even nod their head to acknowledge you... they just look. 
  

I don't know.  That's it for now.  I'm supposed to be studying.  I start work tomorrow, and they're supposedly giving *MORE* exams.  Ugh.  I've never been a good studier, and I have no idea what the hell kind of tests they're giving.  Mostly, I'm just staring at some pharm info online and my med-surg textbook.  (Staring being the operative word, here.)  I'm not very productive!

Friday the 13th

Drove on Thursday to see KC, Cunado, & Bean.  Aw, he's just precious.  My visit was entirely too short, but well worth the drive out of my way!  Bean slept most of the time, and KC let me hold him.  We chatted for a bit while he just slept away on my shoulder.  

I realized this was one of the first times I've seen Skyler (my "nephew-dog," as KC calls him) without bringing him a toy.  I had a stuffed puppy that's been in my truck for years (had it since before I got my truck).  I was thinking it was about time to let it go, so I passed it on to the dog.  He LOVED it!  (As usual with any toys I give him!)  He was licking the damn thing like crazy.  KC says, "there's probably coffee all over it."  Yeah, I've had my share of Starbucks spill onto the toy!  He was in hog heaven.

So today.  Friday the 13th.  I wake up in a hotel in Pearl, MS - a little town just east of Jackson MS.  All alone, in a strange place.  Been raining all night, and I really didn't sleep well - too worried that someone was gonna break into my truck and steal everything of mine.  Ok, so It's about 7am. ... between the gloomy rain, and the fresh time change, it's still dark out.  Hop in the shower.  Less than 5mins into my shower, the lights go out.  I freak out.  I fumble, and feel my way out of the bathroom... the bedroom is pitch black too.  I feel around, and find my clothes, get dressed, then open the curtains... it's STILL too dark to see!  Found my laptop, and turned it on... (thankfully it had a full battery).  It was able to give me enough light to gather my things and get the eff outta dodge.  It was pretty freaky- I kept waiting to see if I was on some sort of candid camera shop of horrors or something.

March Morning Drifts

Good morning Baltimore!  It's been snowing and raining off & on.  Some of the snow is still sticking.  Sky looks clear, but the air is full of possiblities!  It's March! I don't know... I awoke to this strange optimism this morning.  Not that I don't get optimistic, don't get me wrong - but I have this feeling of change.  Like new and good things are coming soon.  Usually I get that in October.  I'm a fall girl- I get excited in the fall for changes.  Today, however, It's March.  Spring is a couple weeks away, and I'm ready for change!

I can't believe I'm moving in a week.  *groan* I'm definitely feeling the stress of wanting to get EVERYTHING done.  And yet mostly I don't know where to begin.  I've gotten my new address - yay! But I'm trying to get the basics - like getting internet set up, etc, and I'm just hitting roadblocks.  I think my mind is not working like it should be right now.

There was this old episode of Married With Children where Al trains Kelly for a quiz show- and she memorizes all these facts.  Then she tells Al, "Daddy, my brain is full." But he keeps feeding her facts.  Eventually, she remembers the new facts but forgets everyday important stuff (like who Al is!)  I don't know... I kinda feel like that. 

Ok, I searched but I can't find the video anywhere.. but I was able to find the IMDB page for it here.  If anyone sees the video online, please send me the link! :)

So, I woke up this morning at 5am.  This is the 3rd day in a row i've done this.  Not good for a night shifter ... someone who isn't supposed to even be getting off work until 7am!  My next assignment is going to be night shift too- so we've got some work to do on keeping me up at night.  Only 3 more shifts to go here!  Really bittersweet, actually.  I've come to really enjoy this place and my patients.  The hospital is pretty much FUBAR, but the people there are pretty cool. ~ I'd hate to work there permanently though.  Maybe that's why I enjoy it so much more... because I know I'm not going to be there forever.  I said when I first started this job that I could be sent to the depths of hell, if I knew it was just for 13 weeks.  Somehow, I don't think Dallas will be a problem, though.  It looks like I'll be at a really good hospital, and my apartment complex sounds sweet! (yay!)

I'm trying to eat at home as much as possible, because I have a bunch of groceries here that need to either be eaten or thrown away.  So this morning I decided to start boiling some potatoes.  I have like a 5# bag of them.  And even though they won't spoil, I'm surely not taking them all across the country with me!  So, potatoes.  I made a variation on the potato pancake.  Kept them really thick and chunky, added the standard milk, egg, cheese, s&p - but spread them out on a buttered pan and popped them in the oven.  Wow.  Really good. (And actually a lot easier to make than standing at the griddle!)  Wish I knew someone here to share them with.. I like to cook, but I really like sharing what I make with others.

Oooh! I just looked out the window, and it's snowing pretty good now... for some reason this makes me grin with wonder and delight!  March, I like you already.