Today I am Thankful For:

1.  Mandarin oranges
2.  Pandora Radio
3.  Especially the McFrontalot station
4.  6 more shifts
5.  Aloe vera socks
6.  Paying bills online
7.  Switching to skim milk
8.  Walking to work
9.  Sleeping well
10. Text messages

Thankful - running out the door edition

1.  Not paying an electric bill at this apartment.
2.  Eating shit like sausage & donuts, and still losing weight.
3.  Microwave
4.  Blog TV isn't blocked at work!
5.  Only 8 more shifts!

Just Chillin'

Every time I turn around, I'm going somewhere or doing something. I stay hella busy, and I like it that way. And with 4 days off in a row, the possibilities seem endless. I even started to book a flight early this morning for a late-morning trip... (Was debating between Charlotte or Tampa) and then decided, fuckit... I really need to stay home and save some money. I'm moving in 3 weeks, and really still unsure of the job situation. Like I said before, I know I'll be fine with money, but I really don't need to plop down a few hundred bucks on a weekend trip right now.

So 4 days at the apartment. WOW. I haven't been here that much at ALL.. I won't know what do do with myself! I need a vacuum cleaner with a hose to pack my belongings, for sure. (Spacebags ROCK!) I may head to Towson to use the Bed Bath & Beyond coupon I have :)

Still might be tempted to go to DC for a bit, but I didn't see any events there that piqued my interest today.. Maybe tomorrow, as President's Day, there'll be some cool stuff going on. I'm not beyond a quick run to DC. (Besides, I really want to see some of the Smithsonian stuff while I'm here!)

De-Trach'd

Steven Hawking has one, Christopher Reeve had one, and so did Catherine Zeta Jones at one time. We're talking trachs!

I hate trachs. Not gonna lie... I don't do trachs. But at this job we have patients with trachs. Not ventilator-dependent, thank GOD, but still big holes in the throat that require frequent suctioning and oxygen monitoring. These patients on my unit here are all brain-injured. (Or, "scrambled eggs" as I like to put it.) They get confused and do stupid things all the time.

So, 0630 this morning.. just going through doing my last rounds before I finish my shift at 0700. One of the LPN's says to me, "I need your help, he pulled out his trach!" I came running. (Like RUNNING. Smacked my knee on something in the process, and it's starting to swell and turn purple- but that's beside the point) My patient pulled the WHOLE EFFING trach out! (Not just the cannula- the WHOLE trach!) We called respiratory, STAT. We couldn't pop it back in to save our lives -or his! It wasn't pretty. 4 respiratory therapists crowded around.. They ended up having to decrease the size of his trach since they couldn't fit it back in. (They close up pretty quickly!)

I hate trachs to begin with. I'm ok with suctioning & changing inner cannulas, but that's about it. Watching this guy in respiratory distress, with no airway had me on the edge of my seat this morning. And now that it's over, I'm pissy with him for pulling it out. I know he's all scrambled eggs, and I should be pissy with myself because I could have put restraints on him, but I'm not going to take the blame. I found out from one of the RT's that the patient has pulled his trach out like a dozen times now! *eyeroll* I hate trachs. I'm off for the next 4 days, and let me assure you, next time I come back, if he's still my patient, that man is going to be FULLY restrained for the entirety of my shift. I'm not playing that game again.

Nightswimming

Wow... well, welcome to the Feb 2009 edition of "too many thoughts in my head for my own damn good". I've been neglecting my blog a bit lately, and starting to feel some guilt build up. Sometimes just getting things out on paper or in the blog can clear my head.

"It takes more than just a good memory to make good memories"
-inside a fortune cookie that a coworker gave me. *SO* true. I love this statement.

So I went to CA last week. I arrived Wed evening, stayed all day Thursday, and left Friday morning. It was another one of those flights AFTER a long day at work.

Me: (holding up fingers) How many is 24 plus this?
Aunt: (counting fingers) Um, 33.
Me: That's how many hours I've been up now. I think I'm gonna go to bed now.

Though I accomplished most everything I needed to, the trip wasn't nearly long enough for my tastes. I took a small prop plane from SFO to SMF, and on the flight found myself looking out the window over my "homeland" where I grew up. It's gotten a little more cramped in the city, but the Ag areas are just as beautiful as ever. (Lots of farmland between the towns out that way) It was like my soul felt at peace there in CA... and I so longed to stay.

Coming back to Baltimore, I'm not unhappy, but I long for that feeling of connectedness that I'm not getting right now. And stress is the biggest factor. I'm moving soon, and I'm not sure where I'm headed next. The job situation isn't looking too hot. Travel nurses are getting cut like nobody's business. I got my CA license while I was there, in hopes that I could secure a travel job out that way. (With state-mandated staffing ratios, there's always a need for nurses.. or so everyone thought). Between flights, I checked my email, and my recruiter asked if I was willing to work in NYC (to which I responded, absolutely) - with all the budget cuts & crunches, she was having trouble locating a job in CA.

So, when I got back from my trip, I had a priority mail package waiting for me- NY licensing application. It's insane... INSANE! I don't understand how difficult filling out forms can be for a college-educated woman, but it's seriously red-tape. So I've been trying to work this out, get new passport photos, find a notary, do the NY state-mandated courses required for licensing... all kinds of crazy BS... then I get a few more emails from my recruiter... She's sent my resume to jobs in OR, NV, TN, yadda yadda. Today she emailed me and asked me if I was willing to work in AK. Alaska?! The pay is low, the weather is cold, and it's at the ends of the earth... but, alas! I have a mortgage to pay, so I told her only if it's a worst-case scenario.

Me: We're looking kinda desperate!
Recruiter: Desperate will get us a job!

But I'm doing my best not to let it get to me. I have a tendency to become reclusive when I get overwhelmed with things, and I've noticed myself heading in that direction again. I'm not sure why I allow myself to be stressed. I know that I'll be ok.. I always am. I'll be able to make my mortgage payment, and once I get home, I'll do my taxes - I expect a good refund for 2008, so I should be ok for money for a little bit once that comes through. The mortgage overcharging/tax situation should be resolved by April (yeah, I'm *still* dealing with that!) And yet... I don't know. Sometimes I just wish I had something concrete.. an idea of where I'm gonna live? Tell me at least which coast? Should I pack warm, or can I forego this big parka of mine?

"Positive attitude: The difference between being eaten alive by a shark and being okey dokey."
-Saw that on a friend's Facebook page today, and it made me smile. I guess the timing was most excellent on that.

Listened to this song a few times tonight. It's called "Miss Blue" by Filter (I don't know anything about Dr. Who or whatever the video clips are from- just close your eyes & listen). I identify so much with this song... it's like somehow it speaks to me when I'm stressed and trying to pretend I'm not. Usually I listen to it, have a good cry, then feel better.

I wish I had a patio right now.. or some outside little corner. Closest thing I've got in this high-rise right now is bolted windows. *giggle* No, I'm not whining about them.. I actually adore this place, and the concrete jungle here... The architecture of the buildings here is a-fckn-MAZING, but sometimes it'd be nice to just sit outside and cradle a cup of coffee.

Art Everywhere!

Grandpa Speed's Paintings:

Airport art: