Midget tossing!

Ok, last week in clinical... well I've got a lot to say, but don't have the time or the drive to type it all out. There's one part though, that I just can't omit: The midget copping a squat. (yeah midget!!) I don't give a F*CK what you say or how PC you want to be - It's ALWAYS funnier when there's a midget involved.

Christin had a midget assigned to her. (CLASSIC!) He was very old, very disoriented, & very incontinent! She asked me to help her change the bed. His wife stepped out of the room to give us some space to work. We were halfway through the process, when he looked at her & said he had to pee. I almost died of laughter when she tried to get him to the bathroom! Turns out he needed a lot more assistance than she thought. He was too weak to stand up by himself, so there she was trying to hold him up - while he stood in the middle of his floor and peed everywhere! Then he crouched down & squatted like he was going to do a #2. Meanwhile, she was still trying to hold him so he didn't fall over. You should have seen the expression on Christin's face as she kept leaning to look and see what was going to come out. (thank freakin' gawd nothing did!!)

As he was squatting and "ugh-ing" (like he was trying to push something, lol!) he was losing balance. We lowered him to the floor so he wouldn't fall. We were trying desperately to clean this guy up & change his linens quickly - all in hopes that his wife didn't come back to the room to find him sitting on the floor soaked in urine. It was enough to drive us into hysterics!

Dietary knocked on the door to deliver the breakfast tray. I leapt to the door to take the tray before I had to explain anything. I told them, "Here, I'll take it. This room is a mess right now, you don't want to come in!" I didn't lie; it was a mess. It was quite a sight to behold, though: Midget down! He didn't even know what was going on... he just sat there on the floor, soaking wet, tapping his feet - just as non-chalant as could be.

... I'm not even going to tell you how we got him back in bed.