Hopefully I won't face a Next Time.

I cried on my drive home today... 
I cried for the hopelessness of our society.
I cried for the prejudices that don't wash free.
I cried for my complicit silence...

At work, 90% of the time, I'm the only white girl.  90% of the time, I'm also the only non-staff employee, and the only American nurse.  There's at least a good 10-15+ years separating me from most of the staff.  So I'm pretty secluded.  I get along fine with most of the staff, but I'm not part of anyone's circle.  I never quite feel comfortable speaking my mind, so I keep to myself.  I don't share.  There's ONE white american woman that works nights once in a while... I think she's the kind that would like to see Falwell resurrected and elected president.

Tonight while charting, two of the Indian nurses were talking to each other a couple feet away from me.  One was from the main tower, serving as acting supervisor for our unit tonight.  She was telling another, young Indian nurse about her busy night the night prior.  She started out saying how she had a lot of antibiotics to be hanging all night on this patient, then proceeds to say, "And he's gay.  And I hate gay people." Yes, that's in quotes. ... that's not paraphrased... that's exactly what she said.  My whole body nearly convulsed in horror at what I was overhearing.  She then proceeded to say how his partner was in the room, and they had a beautiful little girl.  She talked about how she didn't think it could be theirs, and they must've adopted, but how could they, because they were gay...  I couldn't move.  I didn't know whether to scream, or cry, or what.  My whole body was in shock.. she went on to say how "the little girl shouldn't be exposed to that kind of lifestyle" and how much she hopes that she's not a victim of abuse.  (Alluding to the fact that she thinks this little child would be sexually abused by her parents.)  

I cannot tell you how much that ripped me to the core.
With every fiber of my being.

I was not raised to hate ANYTHING or ANYONE.
The only thing in my life that I was allowed to hate was tomatoes..
and I was still coerced into eating them on occasion, just to be sure.

I've never once heard racial slurs, homophobic talk, sexist talk
or whatever else from my parents growing up. Never.
Never...

Shaken, I held it in for the remaining 7 hours of my shift.
Reeling... Thinking there's no way I can work these people again.
I called my mom on the drive home... 

I may have had all kinds of strange things in my life,
but without a doubt, I was raised in a world where there was love...
and hate was reserved only for things like tomatoes.

Next time I won't be silent.